ce qui est amour?

Iam not really a big fan of movies whose theme revolves around romance since i have a certain proclivity for more violent movies. The main reason why I watched Titanic was to cipher out what was the hype all about. Sad to say by the end of it I still couldn't understand why the film is so ultra-hyped. To me its just a super long boring expensive normal love story. I also have a few acquaintance who are die-hard fans of hindi love movies. To me, they are a waste of time and are simple too banal for me.
But I was in for a pleasant surprise today when a romance film just totally blew me away. The plot was simple and Iam so sure that it cost way much lesser than Titanic yet the cast managed to put on a superb performance that made Leo & Kate looked like K2 kids acting in their weekly class skit. The movie Iam talking about is Brokeback Mountain. By now it is more familiarly known as "that cowboy gay movie". But this unorthodox love story tells the most endearing tale about true love that I have ever seen before. Even the sexual scenes are very tastefully done without the viewers feeling like it is included just so to stir up the loins of the male viewers. Simply a class of its own.
Since we are at the subject of love, Iam sure most of you who are close to me can affirm that I have never had any girlfriends before. Actually its not so much that I have a queer sexual orientation or is not physically man enough to find a girlfriend but its just that I find myself too good to have any girl at this moment of time. If I can personify myself as a type of good, a girl would only depreciate my value and would have a long term impact on my structural potential monetary worth. In layman term, I don't need one now or in the foreseeable near future. Sorry, girls.
Sadly I lived directly in front of a neighbourhood secondary school and needless to say there had been many cases when I saw these young kids holding hands together, couples arguing and fighting having their bgr tiffs as well as publicly showing their affection to each other.
Goodness me. The guys looked like they have not bought their first shaver yet and the girls looked like they still have not outgrown their training singlets yet they behaved like the guru of copulation.
Seriously what are they expecting out of their relationship? A necking? First hand experience of juggling something other than the usual tennis balls? That ever so sacred first kiss perhaps? But at what price seriously? From experience I've seen alot of my friends whose grades just went sliding down because of this. And these schoolboys who buy romantic "1st month anniversary" gifts like expensive roses and even more expensive dinners are a bunch of gullible brainless dodos. Hmm.... I wonder who is actually forking out the real bucks in the end? Poor daddy and mummy. Suddenly its not so bad for the schoolgirls after all.
If there is any underage out there reading my blog, abang fairus' advise to you is not to let your other head to control the other head. Okay?

what if.....

I never failed to be completely amazed with the wonderful and sometimes rather bizzare way of how our body works. I bet my balls that none of you out there ever heard of the chemical called catecholamines right? Catecholamines are actually chemicals produced inside our very own mortal temple and it is usually secreted as a result of extreme stress, shock or fear. Unfortunately a huge dose of this chemical may actually cause severe damage to the heart.
By now you must be wondering why I (an Arts student like who obtained a grand total of D7 for his Pure Chemistry at O level) am blabbering about some chemistry jargons right? Well what captivated me into finding out more about catecholamines is that it can actually brings about death. Experiments on dogs have proven as such. And more dreadfully but yet interestingly enough there are cases of humans who died as a result of an overdose of catecholamines.
There is a record somewhere that tells of an unloaded gun being pointed to the temple of a man. The trigger was pulled and yes there was a loud banging sound but there was no bullet whatsoever. But the man died nevetherless. Then there is another case about a man who was involved in a fatal car accident. But the strange thing is, there was no accident. The driver of the car jam-braked and managed to stop a few metres away from the guy but he still died nonetheless. Both cases were attributed to catecholamines. Both were so sure of they are going to die that they actually died when in actual fact, they actually managed to cheat death.
Now now just imagined if within our physical temple itself there exist OTHER funny and kooky chemicals. Imagined if there are hungerlamines where one's tummy can be filled just by the thought of eating something. Maybe the next time you pass by pizza hut, take a few minutes to savour the aroma of the freshly baked pizza and savour the sight of others eating those sinfully titillating pizzas. But just when you want to sink your jaw into a slice of one of those pizza, suddenly you let out a loud burping sound and you feel full suddenly.
Or what if there an endinglamines inside our body? We always find ourselves wanting to read the latest novels or watch the latest movies but like most sg-eans we always do not have the time for it right? But with endinglamines one may just glance through the cover page and the back page of the latest novels and then *poof* your mind suddenly is super-familiarized with the whole story. The next time you watched a trailer for a yet-to-be-released blockbuster film, endinglamines again does its job. Suddenly watching pirated DVDs seemed shitty.
Now now, don't get too excited yet. What if there is such a chemical inside our body called sexlamines. How wonderful that could be.

erratum

Its always a pain in the rear whenever you published your blog only then you realised about a mistake made. In the previous entry, the url link to the Heaven's Gate cult website is actually ; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heaven%27s_Gate_%28cult%29
Since Iam at it, here are the links to the Rael's info site ; http://www.geocities.com/youcreatedcosmos/Rael.html
the Scientology's website ; http://www.scientology.org/
and the Aetherius society; http://www.aetherius.org/

hooligans & ufo

Last week I was lucky enough to be able to watch a phenomenal movie and read an insightful book.
Let me begin with the movie first. The Green Street Hooligans is rated R.A in some countries but you might be questioning why a movie about a group of football fans is rated R.A right? Equipped with an impertinent mind, I watched the movie and by the end of the show I was completely zonked. Alrightty then the show deserved an R.A rating all right. Not so because of sexual connotations but because the film brought about the violence in such an intrinsic way that it makes you ponder for a while and feel so bloody lucky that you are living in a boring yet peaceful city like sg. The last time any film leaves such a profound impact on me was another violent masterpice which was the Brazillian epic, The City Of God (I think Iam probably one of those guys who orgast by watching violent shows). I wouldn't like want to tell you the synopsis of the film or something because I would highly recommend you to watch this explosive film. You can go to its website here to read more about the movie. http://www.greenstreethooligans.com/
Apart from the Green Street Hooligans, I also read a book on religions whose gods are the extraterrestrial beings from outer space. It is aptly tittled, "UFO Religions". They list down the perspectives of major religions like Islam, Christianity, Hindu, Judaism and Buddhism regarding UFOs. Then there are other religions (I would say their rather candid views) which revolve around UFOs like the Nuwaubians, the Church of Scientology, Raelians, URANTIA-ans and Cargo Cults of the Pacific. Its quite understandable when bra-less indigeneous tribes of the small islands across the Pacific Ocean regard UFOs as their gods. I mean these little tribesmen who uses coconut leaves as a G-string have very little contact with the modern world. But it gets a whole lot perplexing when scientists and well-respected scholars worship these cone-heads from outer space.
But don't treat these bizzare group of weirdos as mere object of riddicule. A UFO cult called the Heaven's Gate believed that a comet named the Hale-Bopp comet which passed by our earth in 1997 was to be some sort of an extraterrestrial TIBS bendy bus for them on a ride to mental and spiritual orgasm. As a result 39 men and women commited suicide on that day by drinking poisoned citrus juice. Here's an insightful site to know more about the group => http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heaven
Personally I have always been fascinated by UFOs as a result of watching all those X-Files and Outer Limit episodes. But I really do believed that UFOs do exist. Although Iam not like one of those freaks abovementioned who extol and glorify the cone-heads from outerspace, but yeah pretty much Iam a believer. So any of you out there share the same beliefs as me?? Like what Agent Mulder always say, "I want to believe".

anamnesis (Mebbe nx time)

Mungkin Nanti by Peterpan

Sahajaku berkata

Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya

Sudahlah lepaskan semua

Ku yakin inilah waktunya

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi

Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti

Kita kan bertemu lagi

Satu pintaku jangan kau coba

Tanyakan kembali

Rasa yang kutinggal mati

Seperti hari kemarin

Saat semua di sini

Dan bila hatimu termenung

Bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu

Membuka hatimu yang dulu

Cerita saat bersamaku

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi

Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti

Kita kan bertemu lagi

Satu pintaku jangan kau coba

Tanyakan kembali

Rasa yang kutinggal mati

Seperti hari kemarin

Saat semua di sini

Dan mungkin bila nanti

Kita kan bertemu lagi

Satu pintaku jangan kau coba

Tanyakan kembali

Rasa yang kutinggal mati

Seperti hari kemarin

Saat semua di sini

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi

Simpan untukmu sendiri

Semua sesal yang kau cari

Semua rasa yang kau beri

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You might be wondering why in the world I cut and paste the song Mungkin Nanti by Peter Pan right? Well I just happened to read Danial's blog and stumbled upon the lyrics in his blog. Danial by the way is my junior from PJC and boy am I glad that he will be enlisted into the Force come April. If you are reading this Danial, a word of caution : Do not ever wear the police unform outside because men + blue uniform = babe magnet . You will not be able to handle them boy.

Neway for my firm and close members, the HMVs, you would also agree that this song would flood in those sweet memory we had as brothers enduring the 9 months of sheer laceration at P.A.

Do you remember guys, during the last week of March 2005 when our seniors held a welcoming party for us, they sang to us this song. Then when our juniors came Nidhar and Nur belt out (and bastardized) the same song to the tune of Sharm's guitar for our junior's welcoming party in September. The guys at the smaller barrack can also affirm that this was probably the most sung tune in our small enclave. So much so that Jason even memorized the song! God damned it a Chinese boy singing an Indon song!?!!?! Jason if you are reading this, you can print out the lyric and keep it for souvenir sake buddy.

Then during the last few nights of our course when we had our merry sessions at the senior police officers' mess, this WAS the song that was replayed over and over again. The song was nice but hey the chick in the video was HOT huh? Tidak sangka ya mas cewek Indon pun manis manis juga ya?

I do not know why but now everytime I hear this song, flashbacks of those wonderful times with the HMVs keep flooding in. What do think HMVs?

5 random weird things about me

Thanks alot eh reeza pandai pandai tag aku..Anyway, so here we go..

Here are the rules:Post 5 random/weird stuff about yourself.

List 5 fellow bloggers whom u want to do the same.

Visit their blogs and tell them they've been tagged and ask them to read the rules in ur blog.

(1) Even if Iam already tucked in bed and getting all cushy at night, you can count on me to go to the toilet and pee at least 3 times before I sleep proper even when my bladder is dry as a bone. I guess I just need to feel fresh before sleeping at night. Remember the peelfresh advertisement? Any fresher and you have to squeeze it yourself!

(2) I have a gluttony lust for "sup lidah". By the way that is the tounge soup. Before you go "ewww that's gross" and everything please take note that just because the food is way beyond within your usual palatable food pyramid doesn't mean its no good. Remember everyone, no food is bad food. I get my regular fix at a stall at westcoast (Ayer Rajah) hawker centre. This mouthwatering delectable dish can only be made by the Mamas. Dip some crumbs of bread into the sinfully divine soup and then scoop out some pieces of the tounge.........woohoooo a taste from heaven!!!

(3) Whenever I feel threatened or feel very very nervous, I will feel vomity. And some people can affirm that on many occasion I will actually literally vomit. *bleugh*

(4) I apply a special kind of powder before going to bed. Lots of them, making me look like a geisha.

(5) And I save the best for the last. Back during my n.s trainee days I can go 1 week wearing the same piece of underwear. I air dry them at night and put them on the first thing in the morning. Hey you can't blame me, Iam doing my part to save water by not washing them. Water is a precious commodity in our "fresh-water-locked" republic.

Okay guys now these the boons who will sadly have to carry on with this rather stupid chain...

(1) James

(2) Nidhar

(3) Adeline

(4) Yusri

(5) San

Rabbits never taste this good

Friday and Saturday were days I wanted to forget. I succumbed to fever and severe gastric pain spending most of the time writhing in pain. At least this time around I did not wait too long before visiting my general practitioner. Thank god presently my condition has pretty much improved. I guess that "chew and wash-it-down-with-water" odd shaped blue coloured gastric pills swimmingly does its job well after all.

Anyway today I went J.B again. This time around I went to my uncle's terrace house located at the ulu part of J.B nearer to the Tuas checkpoint. His house is like every home makers' dream house. There's 24/7 security, a sprawling park, swimming pool and a host of other amenities. And the best part is, it cost the same as a 3-room flat here in sg. If there's Japanese girls around, one could almost being mistaken to be in heaven.

By the way right now you must be wondering why in the world I named today's post as such. Even though Iam a student of literature but Iam not that good with personifications or making a hyperbole comparisons to use a phrase to explain a meaning via an indirect way instead of making a literal translation. So the title for today's post IS a literal translation.

At one of the resting point along the Malaysia North-South Highway, I came upon a Ramly Burger stall. You might say what's the big deal right since Ramly burger stalls in Malaysia are like Banglas in Serangoon Rd. But look at the menu above and you will see just why this Ramly Burger stall is extraordinary. For those of you who do not understand Malay, let me translate the menu for you. Biasa is egg-less burger and Special will get you the patty wrapped in egg. Now for the best part......Arnab (rabbit), Kasawari (ostrich), Rusa (Deer), Kambing (mutton), Ikan (fish), Ayam(chicken), Daging(beef), Hot dog (sausage), Roti Joon (fried french loaf), Benjo(egg) and Chess(cheese). Ramly gone eclectic huh? And its only a 15 mins drive from sg.

For me, I chose the rabbit meat because it is the most expensive ($ = good rite?) and I kind of like the idea of wolfing down some parts of bugs bunny. On top you can see my bunny burger but don't worry, it appeared bloody only because of the excess chilli sauce. My abang bought himself an ostrich burger and we shared the two burgers together to experience the different taste of these "oh-so-cute" animals. Apart from the fact that the ostrich meat tasted a bit hard, both these burgers tasted like......well Ramly Burger. With chilli sauce, mayo and the veggies hybridized together, any Ramly Burger would taste like one.

hmm....Ramly Burgers anyone??

sick

oooh...Iam not feeling well today. My temperature is rising at super top speed and on top of that Iam experiencing some gastric pain. I guess this is god's punishment to me for being bad to others.
The only shitty part is that how come I only got sick during my block leave? If the stupid virus come knocking a few months back I could get M.C and can keng myself from training. Indeed life is unfair like the urea inside your bladder. When toilets are everywhere, you do not have the urge to pee. But surprisingly your winky's on fire when there are no toilets within 10km radius.

Jay-Bee

I went shopping at J.B today. Its nothing new really since I used to go to J.B's shopping centres almost every week before I was being insinuated into the realm of national service. The main reason is because both my parents are one of the biggest patronage of the Great Malaysian Sale, which by the way, seems to last the whole year followed by the next year and so on and on.
But since both my grandparents tagged along with us, we have to make a brief stop at Kampung Sinaran Baru. That is the name of my Grampy's kampung whose English translation is the New Light Kampung. Do not be fooled by the name though. The guy who coined up the name is probably an orang utan or King Kong to come up with such a rosy sunny name for a place which is heavily infested with mosquitoes. The mosquitoes are probably on Viagra to be able to produce that many airborne progenies from hell. But still the place hold precious memories for me. Most of the time during the June or Dec holidays, I would spend a few nights there eating durians, mangosteens, jackfruits and lots of other fruits as well as playing around with worms and grasshoppers. Anyway while inspecting my grampa's newly-planted mangosteen tree sapling, my winky suddenly received a call from nature. And stupidly enough I unzipped my pants and pee at a giant durian tree. My pee was fast and warm but a swarm of mosquitoes which were attacking my face and arms suddenly decide to have a fresh bite elsewhere. Luckily for me I managed to swipe them off and pee fast enough and quickly zipped up my pants. If those pesky mosquitoes managed to get a bite,the repercussion would be fatal. I shudder to picture me right now typing using my right hand only while my other hand would be busy vigorously scratching my massively swollen groin area.
Anyway I had my lunch after that at Giant Tampoi. A sprawling giant mega-mall at the Tampoi district. The reason why I love shopping at J.B is the astonishingly unbelievable price of the goods there. If you have been shopping only at Singapore your whole life, you would have flipped out once you step into any of J.B's mega malls. My lunch of yee mee hotplate with chciken, mushroom and egg which is sinfully doused with a specially prepared black pepper sauce cost an amazing S$1.70. Well after all its Malaysia Truly Asia~

Sheep 39

Today's Hari Raya Haji and I feel kind of feverish today. Iam feeling very vexxed about it especially since I already booked myself a sheep to be slaughtered at the Temenggong Daeng Mosque at Telok Blangah. Since my temperature is making its alpine ascent at rapid speed, Iam afraid today's posting is going to be rather short.
The slaughtering took place at a discreet corner within the compound of the mosque. I was assigned sheep no.39 so by the time I arrived, the place reeks of the sheeps' home made lemonade, dried blood and wet soil. I can assure you that the sweat emitted from Rikishi's armpits smelled like glade air freshner compared to this.
Anyway my sheep was carried to the slaughtering area (just a slightly opened drain where the neck is positioned at) and I patted my sheep while my brother took a picture of me smiling silly stroking my dear "soon-to-be-mutton" sheep. The neck is then cut with a single clean stroke slitting the jugular vein, thus inducing the blood to spurt out fast and furious like those 20cents tap water at HDB multi-storey carparks used for car washing.
After that my sheep, or rather my big lump of mutton, is skinned and chopped into various pieces. I took only part of the rib and part of the leg and sticking to tradition, the other parts are given to those who needs them more than I do.
Come dinnertime today, my family and I enjoyed a lushiously titilating dinner of hotplate and steam boat. The main ingredient? Yeap you guessed it, mutton! Here are some pictures tracing the journey of my beloved sheep transformed into a beloved mutton for all. I love you sheep no.39. *Burp*

Stool Pigeon

Well well well.....Iam always amazed with the English Language. They always have ludicrous ways of labelling something. As for the title for today, a stool pigeon strangely refered to as a hypocrite. It beats me on how a stool pigeon and a hypocrite being compared as parallel to each other.
By the way, tommorow is Hari Raya Haji and according to Islam, Muslims are highly encouraged to slaughter a sheep and generously donate a large chunk of the meat to the needy. I have already booked 1 and it does not come cheap. A sheep cost $270 each and just imagined, with that amount of money, plus an additional $100+, and I can get myself a brand new Sony PSP. But then again it's Hari Raya Haji and I just thought that it would be good to do something good this new year. Be a good boy and hopefully you will get blessed. If I have the chance I will post some pictures of my sheep tommorow!
Anyway if you are wondering why in the world the title for today is stool pigeon, it basically refered to those people out there who cannot stand the sight of an animal being slaughtered but at the same time cannot resist the lure of the mouthwatering RAMLY burger at those pasar malam. Most of the time these people cringe at the sight of an animal being slaughtered yet devoured their RAMLY burger like there is no tommorow. Er.... excuse me but isn't the patties inside those RAMLY burgers originated from those poor poor cows and chickens? What about you then out there sitting in front of your computer reading my blog right now who is popping KFC popcorn chicken. Do you know that those chickens are screaming their way to the abattoir before having their neck sliced by razor sharp knife just so you can have some of their tiny cutesy rolled-up breadcrumbed meat as your popcorn chicken.
~Hiak hiak hiak~ That will put off some of you from going to KFCs huh? Anyway Iam not some pro-vegetarian or neither am I a PETA fanatics but what Iam trying to advocate is that animal meat is good. So do not emphatise with them during their final hours or feel guilty that they are going to die just to satisfy your appetite. Remember the food chain? Its just unfortunate nature desired that some animals be the main source of food of other animals. So next time if you recoil at the thought of eating animal meat, just remember a kindly advise from Colonel Sanders, eating chicken is finger lickin' good !!!

God's weird ways

I went Causeway Point today to borrow some books from the library as well as to buy new briefs. My old BUM briefs are all officially classified as "unwearable" since the rubber linings are all way too flaccid to give any support whatsoever to my precious family jewels. As expected, it was raining cats and dogs the whole day, it was in fact since the wee hours of yesterday. While balancing my way through the puddles and holding onto the umbrella, I wondered how wonderful my Sunday would be if I could minus off the wet weather. But then suddenly it got me swithed on to my critical thinking mode and made me realised just how bad it could be for earthlings should the world be devoid of precipitation. I mean plants would not be able to grow, we would have to bear with tons of problems as well as realised that we would be extinct much sooner than we could utter the word "dodo". That's why god knows best and works in a rather queer way of doing things.
Just imagined, what would happen if our nose were positioned the opposite way, the hole facing upwards instead of downwards? If we were to take a shower we would have to wear a nose clip. Failing which we will have a very bad case of runny nose after taking a nice refreshing shower. Therefore the next time you shower, hold on to your nose to make sure that the hole is pointing downwards and be thankful to god for positioning it as such.
Dentists advocate flossing your teeth to keep those pesky plaque away but its always a hassle to floss your teeth one by one. Have you ever wondered how wonderfully convenient it could be if we have 2 long tooth, 1 big tooth on top and another 1 below(try to imagine your set of teeth now but with no gaps in between)? I mean it would be a whole lot convenient so that we do not have to floss anymore. But then again we should thank god for not coming up with such crazy idea as a single punch on the face could result in you having to only drink U.H.T milk for the rest of your life.
And lastly, what if the man & woman switched reproductive organs? With a front tail, that would make it even more practical for women to wear skirts right? And for teenage girls, say goodbye to wearing micro mini skirts unless you want to walk around like a duck when you enter any building with really low temperature. But hey look at the bright side ladies, now that you can use the urinals, you can say goodbye to those long pesky toilet queues at crowded shopping centres. As for the menfolk, next time you prance around wrestle against your buddies, a low blow will not send electrical surges up to your brain anymore and you can sit cross-legged without worrying about crushing the poor little fella' down below. And for those closet perverts out there, you can at last realised you dream of wearing those teeny weeny sequinned g-strings. But okay okay then again I still cringe in fear and disgust at the thought of the swithcing of reproductive organs between the sexes.
Well then, there it is. No matter how weird god's ways are, there are always logical and practical insight into it once it became a finished fully-operational mechanism. As a Muslim, I called it Wallah Huaalam Bis Sawaaf.

1st year aniversary

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The date 7th of January will always be etched within my subliminal side being a very special day for me. It marks a milestone in my life as it is a period whereby I experienced the full blown puberty spurt on my subconscious side. Yes it is the date I ingress into the surreal world of National Service. I was full of apprehension when I took my maiden step into Tekong. I was enlisted into Ninja Company.
During my army days I learn alot of things. Amongst them, out in the jungle, a single drop of shit will attract a zillion metallic-coloured flies around your ass. During the jungle camp, a sip of cold water is like heavenly juice sent down from the angels above. And during the first book out, I still remember how taking a bite off a Snicker bar will give you that orgast sensation. Those were the army days.
And then I was posted to the Police Academy to learn the ropes to be an inspector with the Police Force. Being an officer cadet wasn't that much easier. When I first step into P.A, the prospect of spending another 9 months for in camp-training was (excuse my language) very shitty indeed. But by the end of the course, it was probably the most memorable 9 months ever. Amongst others, I was selected for the elite Police guard of honour contigent for NDP 2005, had a mind-blowing time dicing with death kayaking in the high open sea off the eastern coast of sunny Singapore and be the last trainee to stay in the historic Police Academy in Thompson Road when it moved to its new ground in Choa Chu Kang this year after being in operation since 1929 (thats when my parents were still swimming around). So after I was officially appointed as an Inspector on the 4th January 2006, I looked back at all the wonderful memory with a tinge of sadness. But if you were to ask whether I would like to relieve those days again, my answer is to ask you to FUCK YOUR OWN ASS!! (again excuse my language)

Blogging Virginity Deflowered

At last I fall prey to the wide entangling tentacles of the BLOG!!! After years of staying blog-free, I have at last succumbed to its submissive clutches. The unexpected union between my free time and the lure of the blogging world hence give birth to this virgin post of mine. Henceforth be prepared to read more nutty and demented entries in the future in which I promise to give only the highest possible level of intellectual orgasm specially for you.